Longing for His Presence

Draw me into your presence, Lord

I fix my eyes on You.

Draw me into your presence, Lord.

I fix my eyes on You.

I want to see your face

Draw close in your embrace

And rest beneath the shelter of your grace.

In your presence, is where I want to be. 

^©Debbie Guinn 2008

Father, blogging is hard, writing is hard, thinking is hard...being real and vulnerable are hard.  

I'm not myself these days Medication, MS and pain are affecting me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually...and I don't want others to know.  I just want to hide and draw in to You...seek Your face...be in Your presence...it will all be better.  I'm struggling to find You...hear You...see Your face, feel Your warm embrace.  My mind is a maze of disconnected thoughts that can't seem to discern how to make sense of anything...not even Your Word...Your voice.  

I know You are here...You've promised never to leave me and You have proved faithful more times than I can count.  It's just another test of my faith...blind faith...to trust You even when I can't find You.  

Draw me into Your presence, Father...I fix my blind eyes on You.  And I sing with David...

"God, you are my God

I greatly long for you.

  With all my heart I thirst for you

in this dry desert

where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sacred tent.

There I have seen your power and your glory.

Your love is better than life.

I will bring glory to you with my lips

I will praise you as long as I live.

I will lift up my hand when I pray to you.

I will be as satisfied as if I had eaten the best food there is.

I will sing praise to you with my mouth.

As I lie on my bed I remember you.

I think of you all night long.

Because you have helped me,

I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I hold on to you.

Your powerful right hand takes good care of me."

Psalm 63:1-8 (NIRV)

Resting in your powerful right hand...Amen.

Father...You know

Father,

Today has been hard. I have struggled in many ways. Thank You for being who You are!  Thank You that when my mind won't form the words to pray...You know.

I cast all my cares on You and rest in You.

My Source of Strength

Father,

This devotion speaks so deeply to my heart…in many ways.  So many things are crying out for my attention…bills, paperwork, Rachel’s needs, other people’s needs, thank you notes, and so much more.  I feel so overwhelmed, if not for you, Father.  I don’t know where to start.  The heat has gotten to me and my energy is just totally shot…not an ounce of it there to even begin any of these things.  And my mind is mush to the point that I can’t focus or even put a sentence together to pray for those on my heart.  The burdens are so great…yet nothing comes out when I try to pray because my mind is so fatigued. I’m so glad your Holy Spirit is there to intercede on my behalf…and on behalf of those for whom I long to intercede.

All day today, I have thought of Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  I know I can do what you have called me to do—both ministry and personal responsibility—through the strength you give me…the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength.  I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 2:9 which tells me that your power is made perfect in my weakness.  And Isaiah 40:31 tells me, as I wait and lean upon you, you will renew my strength so that I will walk and not grow weary; I will run without fainting; I will even soar with eagle’s wings.

Thank you, Father, that I do find sweet rest and victory in your strength. Thank you for enabling me to do above and beyond anything I could ever do in my own strength.  Thank you for your promise in Philippians 1:6 that you will finish the work you started in me.  I'm so glad you are my Father...and in control.  Yes, you are faithful and you will do it. (1 Thessalonians 5:24)

I love you!

Debbie

Seeking Him for Unanswered Questions

This past month has been a whirlwind, to say the least. Four weeks ago today, I was getting on a plane for Colorado, where I spent eight wonderful days in the Rocky Mountains with my daughter, Rachel, and some wonderful friends. After ten furious days filled with unpacking, laundry, repacking, doctor appointments, team meetings, teaching my women's Sunday School class, and celebrating my daughter's birthday, I boarded the plane once again...this time, heading for the mountains and mission field of Quito Ecuador, for eight days.

I feel like I should be writing a prayer update to my supporters--or at the least, updating my Facebook--letting people know how the mission trip went. Instead, I sit here, unable to do much more than cry out to my Father, God...searching for answers as to what it is that He is wanting to do in my heart.

The trip was amazing in many ways. I fell in love with so many of the children we worked with at Amor y Exparanza... 

as well as the majestic mountains which surround the city...a reminder that God is still God over this city full of poverty, crime and devastation.

I was in charge of the music for VBS and I have never experienced children worship like I did in Quito. I wanted to weep every single day as I watched those children embrace each other, lifting their hands, bowing to their knees in prayer, as they sang "Tu Fidelidad" (You are Faithful).

We saw God work in so many ways, answering on our behalf, as soon as we turned to Him in prayer.  (You can read more about the many answered prayers on our Quito 2010 blog.)

At the same time, my heart was struggling in ways I could not express...ways I had not anticipated.  A theme God had given me several months prior to this mission trip was "expect the unexpected from unexpected people."  I had shortened that to "expect the unexpected."  I must say I saw many unexpected things happen during this trip...much of it coming from unexpected people.  For example, I never expected those children to bless me like they did through their worship.  Oh, I expected to be blessed by them...just not to the extent I was through the way they worshiped in song.

However, when God gave me that phrase, I thought it meant only good things.  I never dreamed He was preparing me to face pain in areas where I least expected it and from people whom I least expected it....and I certainly never expected it to happen on a mission trip.  You see, as I headed to Quito, I was--in reality--expecting the expected from expected people.  I was expecting good from good people...whether it be those I came into contact with as I ministered at the school, did our work project, at the airport, or other places we went.  I was not expecting heartache and pain...other than that of seeing the suffering in Ecuador.  So, when it hit, I was not prepared; I was not expecting it...and certainly not from the sources from which it came.

I realize, however, that it is only a continuation of something God has been trying to teach me for the past several months...something I am desperately trying to learn...yet something I am still clueless as to what it is.  I feel there is a battle raging within me...one where a part of me wants to withdraw from the world and never write or speak again. In fact, I never want to open my mouth and utter a single word.  I'd rather retreat into my shell as the quiet, withdrawn person I used to be because I feel that is what others perfer.  Yet, I know God wants to teach me through everything that has gone on--not only this past week, but the past several months.  I know that He loves me too much to allow anything into my life that isn't ultimately for my good and His glory. Therefore, all of what has taken place is somehow a part of His plan and I will seek His face until He reveals it to me...however long it takes.

And so, I am pressing hard in to Him today...thankful that very few people ever read this blog...that it is a safe place where I can share my heart, along with what little I can right now about my trip.  I need time to process things and then i will share more with others when I am able..

Give Thanks for That?

Give Thanks for That? ©

by Debbie Guinn

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you .

~1 Thessalonians. 5:18 (KJV)

Every year around Thanksgiving, I find myself sitting with a group of friends or family answering the question “What are you thankful for this year?” As we go around the table or room, eyes well up with tears as loved ones thank God for family, health, wealth, friends, or other blessings the Lord has given throughout the year. There is something about that time of reflection and joint thanksgiving that causes us to recall just how good our Father is toward us, His children.

I wonder, though, how our Father feels when we fail to thank Him for the tough times…the seemingly bad things that happen in our lives. Oh, we may thank Him for bringing us through those times. How often, though, do we thank Him for those times, especially when we are still in the midst of them?

Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 that we are to give thanks in everything. He doesn't say to give thanks for the good things or when you see the bad things work out for good. This verse does not give us the option to decide those things for which we want to be thankful. In Ephesians 5:20 Paul says we should be “ always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ .” (NIV) Not only are we to give thanks for everything but we are to be doing it at all times…not just when we feel like it.

A common therapy for individuals suffering from depression is to make a daily list of ten (or more) things for which they are thankful. Research has shown that finding things for which one is thankful can heal their depression. Actually, Solomon told us that several thousand years ago in Proverbs 17:22 where he said, “ A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones .” A thankful list might consist of things such as air, water, food, clothing, shelter, ability to walk, ability to breathe, ability to eat, ability to move an arm or leg. They might include children, spouse, and friends. Suffering from severe depression at times in my life, I know how hard it can be to come up with even one thing at times. As the depressed person progresses, they begin to find more and more things for which they are thankful.

I wonder what would happen if we were to make a daily list of ten things for which we are thankful, including five good things and five of the seemingly bad things in our life…the areas where we don't feel like giving thanks but choose to anyway. My list from yesterday would look like this:

Thank you, Father, for loving me.
Thank you, Father, for giving me friends who love and pray for me.
Thank you, Father, for my beautiful daughters.
Thank you, Father, for helping me accomplish some things today that I needed to do.
Thank you, Father, for your peace and comfort
Thank you, Father, for the side effects of the medication that are still wreaking havoc on me.
Thank you, Father, for the lack of sleep the last two nights.
Thank you, Father, for my dear friend's death last night.
Thank you, Father, for not allowing me to see my friend again before she died.
Thank you, Father, that I still cannot think clearly enough to get my article written.

Now that I have written that list, I must ask myself “Am I truly thankful for everything on that list?” Oh, I know I am thankful for the first five. What about the last five? Yesterday proved to be a tough day for me. I have been going through residual side effects from some medication that caused me to go into a deep depression, combined with high levels of anxiety and irritability. This has been unlike any depression I have had before in that there were no issues I could deal with to resolve my depression. Even after speaking with my counselor, it was clear that I simply had to wait it out, while the medication worked its way out of my system. On top of that, I found out yesterday morning that a very dear friend of mine, who has battled brain cancer for six and a half years, went to be with her precious Jesus the night before.

God had put this article on my heart earlier in the week, before the effects of the medication took over. As I struggled yesterday, I thought of the article frequently…partly because of the pressure to get it written but also because the Lord was speaking the very topic to my heart. His quiet whisper to me throughout the day was “Are you going to thank me for everything I have allowed in your life today?”

How do I—how do we—get to the place where we can thank God for the tough stuff in life? How do we thank God for sickness and disease? How do we thank God for taking a precious loved one from us? How do we thank God for lost jobs and financial ruin? How do we thank God for wayward children?

I believe it comes from understanding just how much our Father loves us. We must go back to the basics of realizing that He loved us so much that even when we were filthy, wretched sinners He sent His only Son to die for us. (Romans 5:8, John 3:16) A God who loves you and me that much is not going to allow anything in our lives that isn't ultimately for our good. It may not seem good at the time and often times won't feel good. That is where trust comes into play. We have to trust God's love for us, rather than our feelings.

Jesus says in Matthew 10:28 “ Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will .” He goes on inverse 31 to say, “… you are of more value than many sparrows .” God loves you; He cares deeply about you…about me. Everything He allows in our lives comes out of His heart of love. I don't understand that all the time. I just know that He loves me…and He loves you too.

We are told in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 to give thanks in everything because this is the will of God in Christ Jesus . God desires for us to thank Him for everything because He knows this is where we will find peace and contentment. Philippians 4:6 says, “ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God .” (NKJV) Paul says, rather than being anxious, submit your request to God through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving. I don't think Paul meant for us to thank God for blessings and then petition God for other areas that are weighing us down, causing us to feel anxious. I believe he is saying to be thankful for those same areas that we are presenting to God…the same ones that are causing us anxiety.

It is God's will that we give thanks in everything, because He loves us and always has our best at heart. He knows that when we give thanks for the struggles we face, we will have peace and be free from all anxiety. As we learn to give thanks in everything—the good, bad and totally incomprehensible—we will be able to consider it all joy when we encounter various trials. ( James 1:2)

In what areas do you find it hard to give thanks? I challenge you to choose at least one of those areas and begin thanking God for allowing that circumstance, person, or situation in your life. Make this Thanksgiving the year that you learn what it means to give thanks in everything.